The Pursuit of Happiness
How much is happiness worth? Recently, MIT published research that showed that the average UK worker would take a 10.5% pay cut to work for a company where employees have ‘above average’ levels of happiness. This echoes the findings of researchers around the world that have found that people rate happiness as more important than obtaining wealth or acquiring things.
But what is a happy workplace? The MIT research showed the highest scoring answers to this question were, 1. good work-life balance, 2. ‘team’ and social relationships, 3. Enjoyment, 4. a sense of purpose. Pay and benefits were seen as less important, however, I wonder how much higher up the list those items might be in the current cost of living crisis. And I’m sure that if the question was asked of people in the developing world, then pay, benefits and working conditions would be among the top scorers.
What we do for a job consumes a significant part of our lives, but happiness is a whole life pursuit, not just something for the workplace. If we are unhappy with ourselves, or any part of our lives, then that unhappiness tends to leak into all other areas; work, relationships, physical and mental health, recreational activities, etc.
What is happiness? There are numerous definitions, but it is often described as involving positive emotions and life satisfaction. Some examples of definitions for happiness are… ‘an electrifying and elusive state’; ‘an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfilment’; ‘a state of well-being that encompasses living a good life’.
Advertisements would have us believe that a ‘good life’ involves having great teeth, a wonderful head of hair, a nice house, a good car, a successful career, etc. But these aren’t really the things we truly value. I’ve never been to funeral where the main focus of the eulogy has been on the deceased’s looks, what they owned, or how much money they made. When we look back on the lives of people we’ve loved, we remember what they were like, the impact they had in our lives and the lives of others, the love and laughter they shared with us. We remember the happiness brought into our lives by the people we love, through the things they did and the time that we enjoyed with them.
Over 80 years Harvard university has followed the lives of a wide range of people; from Harvard graduates to inner city residents. Their research has revealed that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ or even genes. The study showed that it wasn’t down to the number of relationships we have, nor whether we are in a committed relationship, but that it was the quality of those close relationships that mattered.
Close relationships don’t grow in just bouncing from one joy/pleasure to the next, nor by avoiding conflict and discomfort; putting off dealing with some things can lead to inner tensions that negatively impact our mood and behaviour. Any relationship includes times of disagreement, tension and anger. However, working through those differences, seeking understanding, forgiving and being forgiven, are all ways in which relationships grow. And growth through adversity, as well as through the good times spent with someone, are ways in which we find happiness in a relationship.
I think that true, holistic happiness is a by-product of growth in our lives; not just in relationships, but also in our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing.
If you were going to invest in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy?
The Harvard study shows that investing in our relationships is a good place to start. If we just ‘take’ from our relationships, then they will never be fulfilling. Growth in a relationship comes through mutual experience and mutual service (how we give and invest in that relationship). The love, openness, honesty, trust, and happiness we can find from investing in close relationships frees us from pretence, and strengthens us for the difficulties life can throw at us. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that Jesus gave his disciples a new commandment, that they should love one another as he had loved them (John 13:34). Jesus invested time and love in relationships, and he knew that his disciples would need close relationships to sustain them in the challenges that lay ahead of them.
As we navigate these turbulent times, my prayer for us all is that we would make the time to keep investing in relationships, and that those relationships would be a source of strength and happiness that we all need in our lives.
Rev Barry Jackson