How is your heart? - Parish Magazine March 2014
How do you cope with disappointment? If you have been following the winter Olympics you have probably heard of the series of unfortunate events that meant that Team GB speed skater Elise Christie was penalised in three different events and put out of the competition. Whilst the first two penalties could be understood, the third penalty in the semi-finals of the 1,000m seemed completely unjustified. She, her teammates, her coach and the commentators all couldn’t understand why she was penalised. After being one of the favourites to win a Gold medal she will be coming home with nothing. After years of sacrifice and dedication in training and going to Sochi with high hopes she is left, in her own words, heartbroken and confused.
However, as disappointed as she was, her composure in the 5 minute TV interview that followed shortly after this third penalty was remarkable. Whist obviously struggling with her emotions she remained in control and rather than lashing out at the referees for what seems a very unfair judgement she spoke about seeking to understand their decision and learn from it, so that she could move forward and start work in preparation for the next Olympics. To see the young 23 year old athlete displaying such courage, strength of character and resolve was both humbling and inspiring.
We all have disappointments in life; circumstances or people that seem to conspire against us, occasions where we feel that others have let us down, times when things we have said or done are misrepresented or misconstrued, times when we feel that we have done everything right and yet everything seems to be going wrong... How do you cope with those sorts of disappointments in life?
When people are hurt or disappointed by something or someone they often feel justified in lashing out, seeking revenge, trying to hurt back the person/people/company/authorities that they see as responsible for their disappointment. If people don’t seek revenge then they at least believe they are justified in withdrawing, sulking and taking every opportunity to knock the establishment/organisation/person that they identify as the cause of their misfortune.
It is not helped by the fact that the news and entertainment media often stir-up, reinforce and justify this idea of revenge; ‘They started it, but I’ll finish it…’ The sad fact is, as we see too often in the news, families, communities and nations are torn apart by the escalating conflict that comes from this usual reaction to hurt and disappointment.
In order to try to avoid being hurt a common defense is for people to harden their hearts; desensitising themselves from feeling emotional pain, not getting their hopes up, not letting people into their lives. People with hardened hearts often have a negative and cynical view of the world, as Jesus said:
‘…whatever is in your heart determines what you say. A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart’
Recently I realised that in response to a string of disappointments and hurt I was hardening my heart and starting to become negative and cynical. Too often in life we have thin skins and hard hearts. We are hurt or disappointed easily and so harden our hearts to protect ourselves. However, if we really want to see a better world for the generations to come, we need to cultivate a thick skin and a soft heart. To have a heart that is moved by compassion, that is not afraid to love and to learn, that seeks to understand and to build others up, that seeks to resolve conflict and is not afraid to say or do what needs to be said or done if something is wrong. Put this together with a thick skin and we learn to cope with life’s hurts and disappointments in a far healthier way.
In some ways I think I was more inspired by the courageous way in which a young athlete like Elise handled such a huge disappointment than I would have been if she had won the medal. It gives me hope that if young people like her can learn in the face of adversity to seek to understand rather than to lash out then maybe there is hope for the rest of us.
How is your heart today?
Rev Barry Jackson