Disappointments, Setbacks and Loss
Parish magazine article June 2025
When chatting with a mum after school drop off in Moreton Morrell, she told me how her son had a meltdown that morning because they had only just arrived in time. He likes to get there early, because then he’s allowed to do some colouring, and was very disappointed that they were running behind schedule.
Disappointment is a complex emotion that can involve a combination of frustration, sadness, loss, grief, and anger. We experience it when whatever happens in life doesn’t match what we were expecting or hoping for. Disappointment is part of life because each day rarely turns out exactly how we would have wanted.
We might smile (or be deeply frustrated) at a child's tantrums over something that seems so minor, because as adults we have faced (or are facing) much deeper hurts and disappointments.
We have all been there at times in our lives… an unexpected bill that wipes out our savings, a setback at work, a holiday disaster, a breakdown in a relationship, the loss of someone we love, or even disappointment in our own behaviour … sometimes the word ‘disappointment’ does not even come close to describing the depth of anger or loss we feel when life throws us something that we’re not expecting.
The disappointments we experience and overcome in life, even the minor ones we experience as children, can be important stepping stones to help us build our resilience; our ability to bounce back. Unfortunately, sometimes our disappointments can become straitjackets, and we can find it impossible to move beyond our anger, resentment or grief. Holding onto these feelings can stifle us and profoundly affect our lives, shaping behaviour and restricting positive emotions. When that happens, we often need the help of others to see what’s going on in our lives and move forward.
I think that’s one of the reasons Jesus gave his disciples a new commandment… ‘Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another (John 13:34b). He knew his disciples would face enormous challenges and disappointments, be persecuted, have to deal with huge setbacks, and even be killed for following him. He knew that they would need each other, that they would need a community that was committed to helping each other.
One of the biggest ‘disappointments’ we can face is the grief that comes from losing someone we love. Whilst death is a reality we all must face, losing someone is never easy, and a community that understands what we are going through can be a tremendous help. That’s one of the reasons we offer the
Bereavement Journey course* for those facing that kind of loss.
Whatever hurts, losses, or disappointments you are carrying at the moment, I pray that we all find the people and the community we need to help us weather that storm and find a way to a brighter future.
Rev Barry Jackson
* The next Bereavement Journey course is starting on the evening of Tuesday 3rd June at Kineton Primary school. More details overleaf or from Rev Matthew Arnold