Conflict is normal - Jan 2023
‘What is the most important thing our society needs?’ was the question all the beauty pageant contestants were asked in the film ‘Miss Congeniality’. To cheers and applause from the audience, they all give the stock answer, ‘World peace.’
World peace seems like a great idea in theory, but can it ever be a reality? With the many international conflicts, the disputes and strikes in the UK, and with tensions and conflict we experience in everyday life, then ‘world peace’ seems like a pipe dream, and the proclaimed hopes of the contestants on Miss Congeniality to be naïve.
If by world peace, we mean the complete absence of conflict, then it is unattainable. Tensions and conflict are normal in any human community.
John Paul Lederach (a Professor of International Peacebuilding) uses a question to help people understand conflict. He asks, ‘What are the similarities and differences between a village and an ant colony?’
There are similarities in that we work hard, we go out and provide, and, from a distance, we all look alike.
There are differences in that we think and feel, but ants act by instinct; we have choices and dreams we are quite diverse within our own colony, but ants work with a single purpose and are identical; our lives and experiences are so much more dynamic and richer than ants.
One big difference is that, within their colony, ants don’t fight.
Lederach writes, 'The very elements that make human experience rich and dynamic, the characteristics missing in the experience of ants, are the elements that make conflict inevitable'
In other words, if you’re human, then tensions and conflict are a normal part of life. We’ve all been involved in arguments or disagreements. We’ve probably all been in the situation where we’ve struggled to sleep, either because we feel so angry when recalling an incident… or feel so guilty about something that we’ve said or done.
Conflict is normal.
However, that does not mean that we should just accept conflict, put up with it, ignore it, or try to avoid it. If we do that, then we and others will end up living with the constant stress of unresolved conflict.
The lack of conflict in any community, or relationship, is not a sign of maturity, it’s a sign of apathy; the tensions will be there, but nobody cares enough to call them out and deal with them. A mature community, or relationship, is one in which conflict is dealt with well.
Jesus said, ‘Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.’ (Matt 5:9). But peacemaking is never easy; sometimes it can seem easier to ignore tensions, turn a blind eye to injustice, and put up with the discomfort of living with the status quo.
Navigating a divided and complex world can be hard. Many of us long to make a difference, but often we don’t know how to respond or where to start. And that is why Archbishop Justin Welby has brought together leading practitioners and thinkers to create a course called Difference.
Difference is a free 5-week course that’s designed to help people learn new approaches to dealing with conflict, new ways of crossing divides, and better techniques for navigating tensions/disagreements.
From February 26th we will be running the Difference course using a combination of online and face-to-face resources. Online there will be a series of short videos (~5mins), pop quizzes, and chat groups, and there will also be the opportunity for weekly in-person discussions in the pub and other locations.
The Difference course is not a panacea for world problems, but if each of us gets better at dealing with tensions and conflict, if each of us becomes a better peacemaker, then it can only help us do our part to help bring more peace in our world. So, I would encourage everyone to invest a few minutes a day exploring the online resources and learning, or re-learning, some of the ways that we can be better at dealing with conflict.
Visit the site below (or use the QR code) to find out more information, or to register for a free place on the course.
https://Difference-Feb23.eventbrite.co.uk
I hope you can join us.
Rev Barry Jackson