Chapter 3 - Aquila – Hungry to learn
...I felt panic rising in me... was I the only one that didn't belong?... Had I done something that made me unacceptable to God?...
‘Yes!’
I remember joining in with the enthusiastic response of the throng to Peter's question about being baptised... but to be honest I didn’t fully share in the enthusiasm I saw on the faces around me. I was puzzled... no... off balance, that would be a better description. I was off balance, disorientated, and confused by all that had just happened.
I'd heard very little about Jesus before that day. It’d been over four years since I'd last visited Jerusalem, and at that time Jesus was probably still working as a builder in Nazareth. So his whole rise to fame, the miracles and teaching he did, and the conflict with the Jewish and Roman authorities that led to his crucifixion had all taken place since I'd last been there.
Rumours had reached Rome about the latest in a long line of would-be messiahs. The Jewish traders who passed through our workshop in Rome said that Jesus was building a movement in Galilee. They’d said nothing about his miracles or teaching, just scornfully reported that he was attracting a large number of no-hopers that had zero chance of overthrowing the Romans.
I was born to Jewish parents in Pontus in Asia, but my parents had moved to Rome when I was very young. Living and working in Rome meant we didn't experience the oppression and hardship of living under Roman occupation. From my perspective, I saw the peace and stability that the Empire had brought... and the opportunities for trade it provided. So I’d never fully understood the longing of the Jewish people to be free of Rome. Consequently, I was more than a little sceptical when I heard about Jesus. I'd dismissed the whole thing and wasn't at all surprised when the captain of Concordia (the ship we'd sailed with to Joppa) told me that he'd been caught and crucified.
I remember being slightly puzzled as to why the authorities hadn't killed his followers as well. That was the normal pattern of the empire when there was an uprising; kill everyone to ensure that no-one is left to continue the movement... and to give a brutal warning to anyone thinking of challenging their rule.
Perhaps that's another reason that Jesus chose ordinary everyday folk as his key disciples; they were so insignificant that the empire didn’t consider them a threat. As a result, the movement they thought they'd wiped out was reborn on that day we visited Jerusalem, and it was reborn stronger than it had ever been before.
I'd always been a keen scholar of the Hebrew scriptures. Rabbi Benjamin (the Rabbi in our synagogue in Rome), had a penchant for the Book of The Twelve... the minor prophets, ‘The ways and plans of God are often revealed in the small and the ordinary.’ He would say, ‘You can see the big picture in the Torah and the prophets, but insight into what God is like, and hope for the future is found in many places. And there are some real gems found in the Book of The Twelve.’
The prophet Joel was a favourite of his. He often spoke about what things might be like in the last days, and he would encourage us to think and talk about how it might feel when God poured out his Spirit on all people... Hah!.. In all our discussions we'd never envisaged anything like what happened on that Pentecost.
I’d been curious about the roaring sound, terrified and then mesmerised by the flickering firelight, and confused when my companions said they could hear songs of praise when I could only hear gibberish. When Peter spoke he quoted from the prophet Joel, and whilst what he said made sense, I still had reservations. A couple of quotes from the prophets didn’t fully satisfy me... What about the rest of scripture? If Jesus was the true messiah, why did God allow the Romans to kill him? If this truly was the long-awaited promise of the Father, then why was the Spirit poured out in some random building in the Essene quarter and not in the Temple? The temple would make more sense as there would be thousands of devout Jews gathered there on the day of Pentecost.
I didn't experience the joy and enthusiasm I could see on the faces around me. My ‘Yes' came in part from seeing the conviction on the faces of Motti and Junia, in part from the connection to the prophecy of Joel, but looking back I can see that (despite my misgivings) a large part of my ‘Yes' was down to a deep desire I had to belong... so I just went along with the crowd.
‘That was incredible!’ Prisca squealed and threw her arms around me. ‘I have never known anything like it. I was terrified, and... and I was fascinated... and then the joy... the total joy in their singing.’ She had tears streaming down her face.
I smiled but didn't know what to say. Junia saved me, ‘What do you think they're talking about?’ she asked, pointing up at the window.
Peter had his back to us and was talking with other people in the room. ‘I don't know.’ Motti responded, then he laughed, ‘Perhaps it's about how long the queues are going to be at the mikvahs if all these people want to be baptised.’
‘How many mikvahs are there in Jerusalem?’ Prisca looked puzzled, ‘I only know of the one in Rome... where I was baptised when I converted to Judaism. If all these people need that ritual, it will take days!’
‘There are hundreds of mikvah,’ Motti explained, ‘The huge number of pilgrims that come to visit Jerusalem want to be ritually pure before they enter the temple. It’s just as well that when Herod the Great rebuilt the temple he also had loads of those baths made, as they are in constant demand.’
‘They'd have been busy today already with all the people coming here for Shavuot.’ Junia laughed, ‘But with the hundreds of people here, they will be swamped!’
‘I think there must be at least a thousand people here.’ I let my gaze wander slowly across the mass of people gathered with us at the building. I pretended I was counting numbers, but I was just using that as an excuse to look away from the overflowing exuberance of my three companions. I felt swamped by it, and I desperately wanted some space. As my eyes scanned that odd gathering of people, I was hoping to spot someone else who felt like me... anyone... but there were none. Everyone (men, women and children) was caught up in the same excitement as Prisca, Motti and Junia.
I felt panic rising in me... was I the only one that didn't belong?... Had I done something that made me unacceptable to God?... Or were they all caught up in some sort of collective insanity? I pushed the feelings away, fixed a smile on my face and turned back to our little group, ‘Err... yes... over a thousand.’ I said, trying to control my growing unease.
Later, I came to understand that some people had felt the same as me... For example, Jonathan from Hebron will tell you that he walked away, certain that the ‘mob’ as he called them were all mad. It was several years before he had an encounter with Philip and came to know the touch of God’s love for himself. Also, Joshua, Deborah's brother. Like me, he went along with the crowd but didn’t share their excitement. There were others too, but at that moment, as I stood in the middle of the bubbling excitement of the crowd, I felt very alone.
I was lost in thought and only snapped out of it when everyone fell silent. I looked up at the window and saw that Peter had turned to face us again. He explained that the men were to be baptised in the pool of Siloam, whilst the women were to go to the pool of Bethesda.
There was then a short delay before the group from the upper room came out of the door at street level... And they just kept coming, there were over a hundred of them. We stood watching as the crowd started to thin, men going one way and women the other.
‘I don't want to leave you.’ Prisca grabbed my arm, some of her enthusiasm waning.
I had a momentary surge of hope that this might be our way out. But just as I was about to suggest that maybe we should make our way to the temple and we could think about baptism another time, Junia put her arm around Prisca's shoulder.
‘You've got your whole life ahead of you to spend with this man.’ She laughed, still buzzing with the thrill of all she'd seen and heard, ‘You’ll be safe with me sister. We can let the men go off together... pretending they're important! I'm certain we'll learn far more about all this from the women.’ She laughed again, sticking her tongue out at Motti.
Prisca laughed and agreed, her momentary doubts gone... And I was left feeling alone again.
‘We'll see who's learnt most when we get back.’ Motti laughed with Junia. They had such an easy way with each other. ‘Let’s make our way to the temple afterwards. We can meet at the Beautiful gate.’
‘The Beautiful Gate?’ Prisca queried.
‘It's the main gate to the court of women in the Temple.’ Junia explained.
I opened my mouth to say it would be better if we stuck together when Motti shouted cutting me off.
‘Cleopas!’ He caught Junia's arm, ‘Look, it's Cleopas and Mary.’ He pointed to where they'd just emerged for the building.
The two couples greeted each other warmly. ‘Aquilla, Prisca, please meet Cleopas and Mary, neighbours of ours from Emmaus’ Junia made the introductions.
‘It was true after all.’ Motti said to Cleopas, ‘Sorry, that I ever doubted you.’
‘No need to apologise, we doubted it ourselves at times.’ Cleopas laughed. He continued, ‘There’s so much to tell you. Come, let's talk as we walk.’
Before I could protest, Mary had whisked Junia and Prisca away and we were headed south towards the pool of Siloam.
Cleopas helped to unscramble my brain. I think he was meant to be helping the others with the baptising, but so many of the crowd had gone ahead of us that the streets were blocked with people queuing and waiting to be baptised. Rather than pushing ahead to join the others, Cleopas seemed content to talk with Motti and me.
Motti told me that Cleopas left his father's farm about three years before and went off to find this Jesus. ‘I tried to persuade him that it was nonsense, that he was chasing something that wasn't real.’ He confessed, ‘but I was wrong.’
Turning to Cleopas, he said ‘When I heard that Jesus had been killed and that you and Mary were back, I was going to come round and say “I told you so!”’ he laughed, ‘But it was a busy time and I'm glad now that I didn’t make it.’
‘My friend, it would have been good to see you. There is so much to tell... so much...’ Cleopas looked into the distance and fell silent for a moment, then he laughed, ‘but I think if I'd told you about it before you'd witnessed the events of this morning, then you would not have believed me.’
‘Is it true then?’ I asked, ‘Was this Jesus the Messiah?’
‘Oh yes!’ Cleopas laughed, ‘Yes he was... but he was so different to what we expected... Hah!... Different to what anyone expected!’
‘Like most people, we were expecting a warrior Messiah, a figure like King David.’ He went on, ‘Someone with charisma, who would rally the people. Someone with spiritual power, with a direct line to God. Someone who would move in God's power, and would use military might to overthrow the Romans and re-establish the kingdom of Israel.’
‘That's exactly who the Messiah will be.’ I commented, ‘Which is why I ask.’
Cleopas smiled, ‘He was so much more than that, and yet so different. He was the most incredible teacher, not just in what he taught but also in the way that he taught it. He taught with authority and yet he didn't just give you things on a plate, he made you think.’ He paused, ‘It’s only today that I finally understand that authority...’
He smiled and fell silent for a moment before continuing, ‘Then there were the miracles... the way that God moved through him… he made leapers clean, helped the lame to walk, the blind to see, even the dead to rise again! So many miracles.’ He shook his head and took a deep breath, ‘It was incredible enough to see, but then Jesus commissioned some of us and sent us out to do the same!’
‘It was one thing to see Jesus doing the impossible, but when God worked through me, and the others, to perform miracles that... that was the most terrifying and exhilarating experience...’
‘You... you performed miracles?!’ Motti was incredulous
‘Yes... but to be honest, it still seems unreal... when we prayed in the authority of Jesus, then people were healed, demons cast out.’ He laughed, ‘The first time I prayed for healing I was scared stiff that nothing would happen... and then was even more terrified when it did!’
‘But there was much more to Jesus than just teaching and miracles.’ Cleopas looked off into the distance again, ‘He was filled with love and compassion... he saw past the masks we wear and seemed to look right into our hearts; he knew all our doubts and fears. He always forgave... we let him down on many occasions... Hah! On soooo many occasions!... but there was never any condemnation, we never felt judged. He saved his anger for the religious authorities; the Pharisees and Sadducees. “Blind guides” and “Hypocrites” he called them. He challenged and encouraged and listened and supported us, but he never missed an opportunity to call out the religious authorities on their hypocrisy.’
The street was full of people slowly moving towards the pool of Siloam. The crowd was buzzing with excited chatter and shouts of joy, but those closest to us were silent, listening intently to our conversation.
‘I suppose that's why they had him killed.’ I said, ‘But isn't the messiah meant to be overthrowing Rome, not the Sanhedrin?’
‘3 years ago, I'd have agreed with you... even a week ago I was still struggling to understand... But after today I think I finally get it.’ Cleopas smiled, ‘The kingdom that Jesus came to bring is much bigger than Israel.’
We'd stopped moving. The mass of people had attracted the attention of others. Those waiting to be baptised explained what they'd witnessed, and that the long-awaited ‘Promise of the Father' was here, and newcomers from side streets were joining the queue ahead of us, bringing our group to a complete standstill.
A man in the group surrounding us spoke up, ‘I don't understand, if he truly was the messiah, why did God let the Romans kill him?’
‘We didn't understand it either.’ Cleopas frowned, the joy leaving his face for a moment as he recalled the events around Jesus' death, ‘We'd been so sure he was the Messiah, so sure of victory over the Romans. We were completely convinced that we’d soon be celebrating freedom from Rome... Then, when he was arrested, tried and killed, our world fell apart.’
‘Then, on the third day after he’d died, some of the women went to the tomb where he was laid and found it was empty. Then Mary... not my Mary, a different one... claimed that she had met with Jesus and that he was alive!'
‘That Galilean who spoke from the window said that God had raised him from the dead.’ I interrupted, ’So you all believed it because of the testimony of this “Mary”?’
‘I'm embarrassed to say that we didn't.’ Cleopas smiled, ruefully ‘We all thought she was being overly emotional, and was probably hallucinating.’
Cleopas explained how he and Mary (his wife) had decided to head home to Emmaus, and that on the journey Jesus had met with them and explained things to them whilst they walked.
‘We didn't recognise him at first,’ Cleopas paused again and Motti jumped in.
‘You spent almost 3 years with him! How could you not recognise him?
Cleopas laughed, ‘It sounds like we were blind, doesn’t it? But we really didn't recognise him. He was wearing a shawl, and most of the time he was walking alongside us as we spoke...’ he frowned, ‘And we were so lost in our grief over all that had happened that we never properly looked him in the eye.'
‘However, I think the main reason we didn't recognise him was that he didn't want us to.’
‘He didn't want you to?’ I was surprised, ‘Coming back from the dead is a big deal, why wouldn’t he want you to recognise him?’
‘I wondered about that too.’ Cleopas smiled, ‘but reflecting on it, I realised that there was a lot that Jesus wanted to explain, and we'd never have listened properly if we'd known it was him. We'd have been overwhelmed... so much in awe that nothing would have gone in.’
‘He started with Moses and the prophets and helped us better understand the threads about the Messiah that run through the scriptures, God's purposes revealed in the history of Israel, what God is truly like, and why the Messiah had to die... Let me explain’
As we shuffled slowly forward towards Siloam, he recounted what Jesus had said. My heart burned within me as he drew connections in scripture that I’d never seen before! It was like all my life my mind had been wrapped in fog, and... and with every word he spoke, things became clearer. Areas of confusion were replaced with clarity... and the more I understood, the more I wanted to understand. I couldn't get enough, I was like a man parched from days in the desert who drinks deeply of the cool water of an oasis and just can't stop.
Cleopas could see by my reactions that the Spirit was helping open my heart to understand. When we reached Siloam, he stayed beside me continuing to teach as we waded out into the water. I hung on his every word, not wanting this to stop... never wanting this to stop.
I felt like a blind man must feel when he sees for the first time. The connections, the clarity, the hope... the joy... the joy that Prisca and the others had known was now mine ‘Jesus was the Messiah!... Is the Messiah!’ I corrected, laughing as tears streamed down my face.
We were waist-deep in the water when we reached the point where two men from the upper room were baptising. Motti was just ahead of me, and when they baptised him he came up weeping with joy.
Motti moved to one side, and they reached out to baptise me, but Cleopas raised his hand to stop them.
Before I could protest, he grabbed my shoulders, turned me to face him, looked me in the eye and slowly asked, ‘Do you want to be baptised in the name of Jesus?’
I don't think I've ever wanted something so much in my life. I could hardly speak as I nodded... A whispered, ‘Yes.’ was all I could manage.
Cleopas smiled and pushed me under the water. As it closed over my head I felt the joy rising in my heart. The last of the fog was blown away and I surrendered to the touch of God's love... to the eternal life we have in the Holy Spirit. I came out of the water, knowing the promise of the Father. Knowing that I was seen... and fully known... and completely loved... Knowing that I truly belonged!
My inhibitions fell away as I poured out my praise to God. Hah! I was so overwhelmed with joy and love that I couldn't form the words. And as I shouted praises to God, it took me a moment to realise that I was expressing my joy in the same gibberish the apostles had been speaking!
Copyright © 2004 Barry Jackson